Myself

I can only feel myself when I am working.

Today I back to my office in the morning, I saw everyone are busy on their work, talking on the phone and rushing for meeting. It reminds me how many e-mails I have to reply and how many projects I have to follow. I don't have time to ask myself question beside work. Work is just like a giant ecosystem in my brain, each decision is based on different intention and creates several expected and unexpected results. Base on certain result, there also has new decision to resolve. I can see the business is running, the world is changing, a lot of tiny works flowing along my body, stimulating my nerves, delivering singal to my brain...

I don't have religion. If someone ask me what I really believe in, I can say, "Cause, Action, Effect". I do something have to base on some reason, I go somewhere have to some reason, I love someone have to base on some reason. I can't live without reason, every action I need reason to support. I am afraid to move without support.

I have people I can fully trust, but I admit that I don't really trust people. Something happened around 4 years ago never deleted from my brain, hope and desperation were coming over and over again. People stay together has nothing else but only reasons, the reason of love. Love also needs the reason to love, how unbelievable!

After that I knew everything in this world need support, even our emotion. We need reason to work, we need reason to play, we need reason to love, we need reason to die...

Everytime when I off work without pressure staying in my room, I can't find any reason to move and think, I can't find myself either...